Friday, September 5, 2008

Getting focused


My mind doesn't seem to want to shut down these days. Sometimes I wake during the night, still hearing the sounds of my mom screaming out to my dad as he left her in the nursing home :-( Other nights I grin as I think of squirrels and what they might do next :) Some nights I lay awake thinking about my kids and grandkids and their trials. I've been known to lay awake many a night thinking about the twelve years of Travis' dad ignoring him and now wanting him (and, no, nothing more has come of that - lots of "I'm going to do this" but no action). I lay awake thinking about our trip to Wisconson at the end of the month to see Snowman and Kris and what fun that will be. I think of things I should be doing around the house, or embroidery job deadlines... I think you get the point, I lay awake a lot, lol. It isn't all bad - but IT is keeping me awake!

So, I need to get focused.

I've been thinking about my mom and dad and what they have been going through over the past five or six years. Dad has been caring for a very sick wife for at least that long. And mom has fought her hardest to stay well. They walked three miles every day until she could no longer walk. They went out to meet family at McDonald's every day until it was just no longer possible. They went to weddings, funerals, family functions, and mom always did her best to pretend she knew people and knew what was going on. Often there were give aways that she might not be all there, like when she asked "who died?" at my cousin's wedding ;) But, the bottom line is even now they have not given up. They have stayed focused.

My children inspire me. They all three hold down full time jobs and are devoted to their families. They are active in their communities. They do what is right. I'd like to say they stay focused, but it is more like they are staying one step ahead of the game on most days. That is pretty good for young families.

Iggy inspires me. He is always there for many of us and knows the right things to say. And his drive to stay healthy is just amazing! He stays focused.

My friend, Rita, inspires me. We have been friends for over 30 years - having met while working at the State Attorney General's Office. We have very similar lives, incomes, etc. Yet, her house, car, everything is paid for. She is debt free. Why? Because she has stayed focused.

Me? I'm all over the place! That is probably why I'm not sleeping well. I'm not focused. That changes today.

I got up early and ate a bowl of oatmeal. Did a load of laundry and took off walking. I'd like to say I walked 8 miles (like someone we all know), but I only walked 2 1/2 miles. But I WALKED! And I will walk again tomorrow, and the day after that, and each day after that. I am going to stay focused.

I've wanted to lose a little weight - less than 20 lbs., but do you think I can do that? Heck no. I've not been focused. I know what I'm doing wrong - I eat healthy meals and then snack when I get the munchies at night and see that commercial for ice cream, pizza, or whatever. That changes today. NO MORE SNACKS! I'm gong to stay focused.

The other area I'm going to get focused on is money. We don't have money problems compared to many. We are both retired with good retirement incomes. We both hold down part-time jobs and I bring in a little more on the side with my embroidery business. Frankly, with the income we have, I should not have to ever think about money. But I do. Why? Because I've not been focused. I don't stop to think about all the STUFF I buy that I don't need. My friend, Rita, loaned me a book that most of you have probably heard of - Financial Peace by Dave Ramsey ( Jim and I have both read the book decided to implement his plan together. We are going to stay focused and will be debt free in a very short time. And that doesn't mean we have to do without. It just means we will have a plan. We will still take our trip to Wisconsin at the end of this month, our cruise to the Bahamas in January (mostly because we've already paid for almost all of it and have saved money for the rest). I'm really looking forward to working together on this.

Many of you know that I have a health problem or two. In December it will be FIVE years since I was diagnosed with breast cancer and had a mastectomy. In May it will be FIVE years since I finished my chemo treatments. So far, so good! I also have Lupus. That has been a roller coaster ride but it has been under control for quite a few months now. That is the one area I have done a pretty good job of staying focused on - my health. But if I stay focused on all other areas of my life, then my health will improve too. It all goes hand in hand.

The other area I need to stay focused is with my mind. I need to meditate more, pray more, and write more. Since I was a little girl, I have always kept journals. I literally have a cedar chest full of journals (hmmm it might be fun to pull some of them out and post the ramblings of a young girl lol - get focused now punkn...). Don't be surprised if my blogs start containing ramblings. When I do that, you can just roll your eyes and move along.

If anyone actually made it to the end of this rambling, I will be surprised. But, like I've said before, "It's my blog, and I'll bore you if I want to..."

Have a great day and know that I appreciate my blog friends.


Karla said...

awww honey..we all have those nights *hugssssssss* I find when I can't sleep my best deal is to focus on prayer and praise to God (well I'm Chrisitan for those who aren't, meditation or whatever other religions do) and I usually fall asleep within minutes.
Good luck in all your endevours and God Bless you in all you do. He already has blessed you with wonderful kids, being cancer free, and a good husband. *hugs*

LadyStyx said...


Ya know...getting those old entries up might be a good idea. You can start a new blog on this account and label it Archived Entries or Old Writings or something.

*makes note be inspired and get focused*

Jess said...

Good luck with staying focused!

And your ramblings were very interesting to read - it's good to make a written plan and get things off your chest.

Intense Guy said...

I read your entry to the end. Heck, I might even re-read it.

Sounds like you might even have the makings of a good song in there somewhere...

"I'm Staying Focused" - Hmm... performed by Punkn' and Jim.

*Hugs ya tight* Everyday you stay well is a day you steal from the big "C" - and a day everyone gets to enjoy a little bit better and fuller, knowing you are with us.

AliceKay said...

I've never read a boring entry in this blog of yours, Punkn. In fact, it's been rather inspiring to me on a number of occasions. *hugs*

Intense Guy said...

Keep on keeping on! Punkn! I hope you find the walking helps you relax and to focus.


LadyStyx said...

ooooooooh the new decor on your page looks so purdy!!

*channels her hubby for a sec*

"like a par of bran' new snow tarz"

Punkn said...

Hugsssss everyone for being so supportive.
Karla, sometimes prayer helps, other times writing helps, and sometimes nothing helps. I rarely resort to pills.
Ya know Lady, I might just have to do that. I'll bet the earliest journals say things like "Dear Diary, I had a good day except Mary Beth got mad at me for no reason. It was 75 degrees today" Now, I'm really going to have to dig those out...
Thank you Jess. You sure seem might mature for a 15 year old! Hugssss
Awwwww Iggy, what a sweet thing to say. I'll send you a copy of the recording when it is done lol. And the walking did help - I even walked another mile (only had a little time) last night!
That's amazing AK, ty for telling me that! Hugsssss
*checks out the decor again* Yep, Styxy, it is downright purty, isn't it!

Tori_z said...

Good luck with staying focussed in all the areas you wish to work on.

And feel free to rant all you want. For one thing - as you said - it's your blog. For another thing I personally find that the ranting/rambling posts where people just let the words flow freely make for the best and most enjoyable reads. Granted it's nice to know what people have been up to and how things are going for them and their families, but reading people's rambling thoughts on things is often more interesting. No offense meant to anyone who pretty much only posts about their family and friends and day to day life, but it is... In my opinion anyway!

Punkn said...

Welcome Tori! And thank you. I feel so bad that I have unknowingly kept you out of my blog all this time. And all because I was too durn lazy to figure out how to remove the identifying words - and once I investigated, it was stupidly easy. Ten lashes with a wet noodle for me! Huggsssssssssss!

Lainie said...

When I focus on reading blogs, I read them from beginning to end and sometimes read them a second or third time. I've been known to ramble a bit but often thought no one wanted to 'hear' me on a soapbox but I might have to try it. I bet it is very libewrating!

Tori_z said...

Hey, no worries. I could have mentioned it sooner... So I'm as much to blame as you. I mean, it's not like I have a signature attatched to my comments saying "I can't do word verification so turn it off or I can't comment on your blog." or anything. So how were you supposed to know? Most people don't give it a thought (which is - in a way - a good thing) and most people don't realise that the "listen and type" thingy NEVER works.

ChicagoLady said...


I really enjoyed reading this post. I feel I know you better now after reading it. And I DID read it all the way through.

It sounds like you're making some good moves to make changes in your life. Copgrats on being cancer free for almost 5 years. I'm looking forward to many more years CF (cancer free).