Monday, December 8, 2008

Ten Reasons Why I Am A "Mean" Grandma

We had three of our Grandsons spend the weekend with us. As most of you know, I have the grandkids quite often. My preference is to have each one by him/herself so we both feel special towards each other. However, this weekend my daughter and her husband needed a "get-away". So we picked the three boys (Travis - 12, Dakota - 7, and Austin 3) up on Friday afternoon. Their mom picked them up Sunday afternoon. This gave them quite a bit of time to figure out I am a "mean" grandma. It is a whole lot different for them to have to share me and my toys with each other than it is for them to have me by themselves. I keep saying me because Jim worked Friday night and Saturday, so he wasn't around very much.

I have a tradition with all of the grandkids that when I pick them up, we head immediately for the grocery store. We plan out our meals on the way to the store and then pick up what we need. Always included in the shopping trip is a box of Dolly Madison powdered sugar donuts. You know, the kind that makes a huge mess when eaten. Yea, those donuts. I discovered the fun trip to the grocery store with one grandchild isn't all that much fun with three. Which led to rule number 1.

1. You don't sneak food into the grocery cart.
Oreo cookies and milk is such a tasty treat, so when Travis asked if we could get a package of Oreo's, I said "of course!" He put one package in the cart and hid another package under the bananas and apples. Mean grandma's punishment? We bought the Oreos and he got NONE.

The evening was great - until I let them play pool unsupervised. By the time I got downstairs, the floor was covered with baby powder. The powder is there for the hands so the pool cue slides easily, which generated Rule 2.

2. You don't let the pool cue powder get anywhere except your hands.
Mean grandma's punishment? If you need powder on your hands for the rest of the weekend, there is plenty on the floor. LOL you should have seen the hand prints - including mine of course. Dang if I was going to let perfectly good powder go to waste! The floor is concrete so it made no difference - I just wanted them to learn to be more careful in the future.

The next morning is when things really began coming apart at the seams. Travis makes fun of his little brother, Dakota. He calls him a dork, nerd, sissy - you name it. Dakota POUTS. He is the KING of pouting. I despise name calling and I despise pouting. To top things off, Austin decides he's not going to bother telling me when he has to go potty. After hollaring at them for about an hour to quit this, quit that, quit everything, I finally lost it. I marched them upstairs, sat them 3 in a row on the couch and became a drill sargeant. Poor little Austin's eyes were as big as saucers. This lead to rules 3, 4, and 5.

3. You shall not call each other names. Period. In fact, you'd better do something to build up each other's ego occasionally. The punishment? Time on the couch with nothing in the room for entertainment - no tv, no music, no book, no computer, no ipod, no NOTHING! AND... the amount of time spent there will depend on how pissed I am at the time (Travis James)!

4. You shall not pout. Not even a downturn of the mouth. Not a single drop of the shoulders. Not a single drop of the head. I don't care what you are unhappy about. If something isn't right, tell me - but DON'T POUT! The punishment? You will be sent to bed (Dakota Cole)!

5. You shall not wet your pants. I don't care how busy you are or how much trouble it is to go to the bathroom! The punishment? You will wear diapers the rest of the weekend (Austin Joshua). (This Grandma just happens to keep a stash in her bathroom.)

After that we did not have a single incident - no name calling, no pouting and no more wet pants.

The other rules have always been rules here.

6. You do not get a can or bottle of soda to yourself.
In this world of excesses, this habit of young people today seems to be one of the greatest excesses around. There is perfectly good water - filtered even, thank you very much. If you're thirsty, drink water. We will share one soda at some point during the day.

7. You do not eat in front of the television and you don't walk around the house with food. As a matter of fact, you do not eat anywhere except at the kitchen table or the kitchen bar. Ok, if you want to take it outside in the 20 degree cold, that I'll allow ;) (they didn't take me up on that). In our house dinner time is a time to talk to each other.

8. You don't eat ANY food without first asking permission, especially not candy and sweets.

9. Internet access is limited to Grandma approved games. Absolutely no instant messaging, chat rooms or violent games.

10. I control the TV remote. No violence or R rated shows allowed as long as kids are in the house. Most PG and PG13 are also not allowed, but there are exceptions to that. And the amount of time spent watching television is controlled by me too - and it is very limited. There are too many more important things to do, like play games, read, talk, or use your imagination.

I want them to have fun at Grandma's house, but I also want them to learn respect and not depend on electronics for entertainment. Once we established the ground rules, we had a great rest of the weekend. As often as they are here, you wouldn't think setting ground rules would have been necessary. But for some reason, they were testing me. I think I won....


Anonymous said...

Wow Punkn, you ARE a mean grandma lol

AliceKay said... are a mean grandma, but hey, someone has to lay the ground rules and stick with them. I chuckled several times reading this post. Thanks for the laugh...I needed it tonight. (and yep, i think you won) LOL *hugs*

ChicagoLady said...

I can picture you pacing in front of the couch, with them looking up at you, while you explain rules 3, 4 and 5. LOL

I definitely think you won, and hopefully they'll remember the rules the next time they visit.

Intense Guy said...

Oh. I had visions of this huge American Flag behind General George Punkn while she stood on a stage...saying "Okay Men, here is how it is and how its gonna be!"

Those youngsters will remember this - and with smiles on their faces. And they know as well as all the rest of us, Punkn, you will never be a "mean" Grandma!


Tori_z said...

They will remember those rules for some time, and one day they will agree that you weren't really all that mean, and that your rules are actually fair.

Ausgrl said...

Mean punkn.. LOL
Having a granddaughter living with me I havent actually had to lay down ground rules they have been learnt as sshe grew. However having granddaughter number2 visit adds a whole new twist to being at grandmas. You see number2 isnt as aware of the rules as 1 is and finds out what is allowed at home is NOT the same as whaat is allowed at grandmas. My house is always open to find and drink.. I dont care how much you have as long as when you start on the sweets the fruit bowl is empty and all meals have been eaten..We have fruit juice or water to drink. Esch loves apple and I swear she is going to wake up lookng like one soon. Grandma's NO NO"S are. noone under the age of 15 touches the DVD's we set 15 because of the ratings on a lot of the movies. Number 2 is allowed ot help herself to DVDs at home and is at the ripeold age of 2and 1/2 quite competent with the operation of most electrical appliances that supply entertainment.. Thats NOT allowed at grandmas you have to ask first....No teasing the animals...No telling grandma she is a bitch because of the rules, although this is regular and I always have to turn my back to hide the smile...Grandmas bed is NOT a trampoline or jungle gym (it is a 4 poster bed and they love to climb it). YES Grandma has dolls in her bedroom and NO they arent for playing with. Please and thankyou get acknowledged no please, no thank you, sorry you receive nothing and it is taken from you. I don't think we are mean I think we are just experienced and understand what manners and respect are.. Children dont seem to learn that anymore...That said WOW Punkn you must have had them shaking in their tiny shoes LOL Iwish Ihad been a fly on the wall....

spacegirl60 said...

I was cracking up when I read this. My 8 year old Grandson Jonathan is afraid to make me mad. His mom loves it because it keeps him in line. Ariana (12) is at the testing stage. She will not do something to me but when I see how she talks with her mother I make sure she knows it is not acceptable. Course, her mom could say something too but when it comes to Grandma saying it it has more meaning.

LadyStyx said...


*wanders off into the next blog attempting to get em all read before the medicine kicks in..*

sexy41 said...

I loved this post, sure brought a smile to my face. Kids always test you at first to see what they can get away with, then they settle down and follow the rules. But hey you are MEAN. LOL.. Glad it worked out and the rest of the weekend was good. They all sounded like good rules to me. I will be a mean grandma too.

Punkn said...

((((anonymous - is that you land))) yep I'm mean, mean, mean
(((AK))) I so look forward to your grandma posts in the near future
(((((Chicago))))) I had to give Austin a hug and love on him afterward - he'd never seen that side of me.
((((Iggy)))) I'm a softy and ty for reinforcinig that i did the right thing. Actually we were laughing about my meltdown by the time the weekend was over.
(((Tori))) Don't ya tell them I'm not a mean granny! It is our secret.
((((Aus)))) LOL I knew you would relate to this. Travis lived with us 4 years - i know how it is for you
((((styxie)))) wake up girl!
((((sexy)))) I cannot wait until you become a grandma - you will be the bestest!

Anonymous said...

yep, that was me. that was funny reading. I'm not a grandma yet, but I'm sure that I'll have that talk too someday.

Lainie said...

Holy Sh*t meanie! LOL WOW too many rules for even me to follow. LMAO I'm not a gramma yet so I can say that.