Monday, August 30, 2010

It’s the right thing to do…

A family member has fallen on hard times. 

No, not one of my kids – they are doing great – thank you for asking.

I wish I could say the troubles were caused by the down- turn of the economy, or a natural disaster.  But they weren’t.  The troubles were self inflicted with bad decisions followed by more bad decisions, with the end result of a hole so deep that no matter how hard the eyes strain, the light of day cannot be seen.  It was time to step in and offer a hand of support.  That decision was not easy to come by.

Many conversations were had well into the night.  Conversations about tough love.  Conversations about protecting ourselves and what we have struggled and worked so hard to have – both physically emotionally.  The bond between husband and wife can’t be jeopardized in the process of helping someone else.

This move on our part is not charity, but rather an effort to guide someone we love and care about deeply, onto the path of  self-sufficiency and self-love.  Surely if those two things are in place, the right decisions will follow.  Personally, I believe the inclusion of God is key, but that is a very personal decision.  My beliefs in that regard will be seen by example. 

I’m not going to pretend that I don’t feel anger and resentment.  “I’m very pissed at you right now” were my exact words.  The feeling of resentment hasn’t been voiced.  Somehow that feels very un-Christian.

Pretending that this isn’t going to have a huge impact on us would be silly.  It is going to mean many trips driving someone who no longer has a driver’s license into town.  Trips for court dates, mandated classes, job hunting, welfare application, unemployment… on and on…  Our barn is no longer filled with hay, but rather someone else’s worldly possessions.  Our downstairs is no longer a playground for the grandchildren or a late night getaway for us.  It is a safe haven for someone who currently needs one. 

I am somewhat embarrassed to admit that I always said this is something I wouldn’t do – bail someone out of stupidity.  But now that the opportunity has presented itself, I realized… it’s the right thing to do.


I wrote this in the first person since this is my blog, but Jim and I are in this together. DSCN0403


Osage Bluff Quilter said...

My heart goes out to you in so many ways.
Kind of you to help, we'd all do it for a love one.
Losing your privacy, your space and your time will probably be hard.
But in the end I hope Christ blesses you both for opening your hearts.
God Bless you both.
(going for a kleenxex now)

Vicki Lane said...

Good for you and your husband.Sometimes the right thing to do is the hard thing to do... Blessings.

The Farmer's Daughter said...

Deanna, I'll just second what the others have said. I can't express it any better than that! This is a tough one...God bless you and your husband for your willingness to help in spite of the upheaval in your lives. Cheryl

junyah said...

I Know exactly what this talk is about, since we are in the middle of the very same thing.I haven't given in all that much except to offer a temporary place to stay and eat, clean up keep warm and dry. Wife on the other hand says to keep out of it.I believe since i'm the Father here i have a stake in this and a voice.There's problems here that need attention, because its the main reason for all this to start with.At least with this conversation i know i'm not alone with this problem and neither are you. Hugs, Love, piese, JR

Rural Rambler said...

Deanna sometimes our hearts aided by some beautiful guidance from Above just knows the right thing to do. Truly good and kind of you to take this on. You, your Hubby and this family member will be on my mind and in my prayers.

Toriz said...

It takes a lot of courage and strength to hold out your hand to someone like this who is in need. And as for your saying before that you wouldn't do it... That doesn't matter. The oppertunity to help arose and you did so, and that's what counts.

Good luck, and I hope your help and guidance are worthwhile, and that you can help the person find their way again.

Lynn said...

You both are so very kind and wonderful Punkn and I hope everything works out for the family member you are helping HUGS

Intense Guy said...

Sigh. Life continues to find a way to challenge you - and as that line from Jerry McQuire goes, "And the hits just keep on coming."

I'm not at all surprised you and your hubby extended a helping hand - not the least.

You need not worry about being or feeling un-Christian - this very act of compassion is at heart - what religion is all about.

I hope the light at the bottom of the hole appears sometime soon - perhaps someone just hit the "off" switch by mistake.

If you ever need a helping hand - I hope I am able to emulate you and be there for you like you are for your family.

Huge hugs -

Missouri Gal Nicole said...

Oh Honey! My heart goes out to you. This family member has to want this for themselves or you efforts will all be for nothing. I was a horrible teen/early twenties troubled person. My parents did the tough love thing on me and I came around but not all do. I'll add your family to my nightly prayers! Big Hugs to you!

Teri said...

Sometimes you just do what you have to do. It's tough knowing that this was a result of poor choices. Still, I know what you mean.

jewelzmomof4 said...

Mom you and Dad are very kind and I love you all for that. The person you are speaking of I hope realizes this is a way out of their problems if they take the opportunity to do it. If there is ever a time where you or Dad can't make one of the trips I am available to help out anyway i can any day after 5:30 and any weekend. I love you all and this person very much and I hate what has happened. I am proud to call you my parents!! You stood by me in my time of need and now you are doing it for someone else. Have I mentioned I love oyu all and am very, very, very PROUD to call you all Mom and Dad!!!

Funny in My Mind said...

we are going through the tough love thing ourselves and as hard as it is to let someone fall, it is impossible to let someone suffer even by their own hand.
You are doing the right thing- just don't allow yourselves to be taken advantage.
Tell this person that this is a stepping stone and they need to learn from this and move on.

AliceKay said...

You and Jim are kind and compassionate people. I've learned that over the years I've known you (and Jim thru you and your stories of him).

It's hard to see someone in need, even if it was due to their own 'stupidity'. It's hard to see someone fall so low they can't get up. It's even harder to just stand back and do nothing.

Some decisions are made from the heart after searching your soul and maybe checking your pocketbook a few times. Sometimes our kindnesses can be taken advantage of, and I pray this won't be the case with you and Jim. I've been there, done that too many times in my life, and I'm still paying for it. I keep telling myself that God knows what I've done for people, and my reward will be waiting for me in heaven one day.

Will be thinking of you. *hugs*

That corgi :) said...

hugs to you both. I hope the person you are helping will truly embrace what you and Jim are doing to help them get "back on their feet" and will work dilligently and as hard as they can to restore themselves. You are right, if God was included, it would be such a good thing for this individual but of course, as you know, we all need to come to that decision ourselves.

I have recently helped out several who needed a hand. Unfortunately, it didn't quite work out good both times, but I am glad I did what I did both times and I would gladly do it again if given the opportunity. At least I can say I tried and did my best.

and I know this is going beyond what you thought and out of your comfort zone, I wish you all the best!


Rita said...

Sometimes you just know when it is the right thing to do, even if some other people think you are crazy, right? :) And then you just hope and pray for the best. I little tough love reminding now and again is not a bad thing, ether. ;) Bless you guys!!

AliceKay said...

Just stopped by to let you know I was thinking of you. *hugs*

Queenie Jeannie said...

Thank you for opening your home and heart to a family in need. It's a huge sacrifice. I hope you are all abundantly blessed and that this will be a turning point for those making the bad decisions. Hugs!

Porch Days said...

I admire you for what you are doing. It can't be easy but you sum it up when you say it is the right thing to do. Best wishes!

GardenofDaisies said...

You are a good person. We all need a second chance in life... thanks for offering it to your friend.